Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
