Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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