my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
