I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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