I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize