I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize