FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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