i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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