We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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