I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
