Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
