I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
