we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
