remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
