dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
