shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
