New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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