I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
