he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize