He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
