i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
