Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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