I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
