Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Less talking, more tequila
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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