Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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