just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
