He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
