you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we're making bets on your personal life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
