speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
