He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
