I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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