JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
