There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
