Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
