I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
