I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
