Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
