Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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