who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
