1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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