I feel like abortions should bother me more
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
