the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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