I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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