..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
