Can Purell be used as lube?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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