Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
