Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
