addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
