you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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