is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
