half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
