I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
