He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Houston, we have a blender
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
