I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
