happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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