I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
