I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
