Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can I color on your dick again?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
