i already hear my dad disowning me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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