Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
