It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
