I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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