Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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