I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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