i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How naked do you want me to be?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
