..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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