I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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