Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
