You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
