Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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