This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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