She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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