This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
